Most of us overthink sometimes, replaying a conversation on the drive home, wondering whether you said the wrong thing. Thinking ahead to something happening next week and running through all the ways it could go wrong. Usually though the thought passes and we move on, but what happens when your mind doesn’t seem to switch off?
As a CBT therapist in Sunderland, I often meet people who don’t initially describe themselves as anxious. Instead, they say things like:
“I just overthink everything.”
“My brain never switches off.”
“I know I’m am a worrier.”
So, when does everyday overthinking become part of an anxiety or worry cycle?
What Does Overthinking Look Like?
Overthinking often feels as though we’re trying to solve something. You might repeatedly analyse a conversation, anticipate everything that could go wrong, rehearse what you’re going to say, Google for answers or ask other people what they think.
Underneath this is often a search for CERTAINITY.
What if I’ve made the wrong decision?
What if something bad happens?
What if they don’t like me?
How can I know everything will be okay?
The problem is that life rarely is 100% certain.So the more we try to achieve it, the more questions our anxious mind can produce.
Understanding the Worry Cycle
A CBT perspective is that worry can become a self-reinforcing cycle.
Something triggers uncertainty.
Trigger → “What if?” thought → Anxiety → Worry/Overthinking → Temporary relief → More doubt
Imagine sending a message and not receiving a reply or being left unread.
You think: “What if I’ve upset them?”
You begin replaying your message, checking whether they’re online, rereading previous messages and conversations or asking someone else whether your message sounded rude. For a moment, you might feel reassured.
But your brain can learn: “When I’m uncertain, I need to check or analyse until I feel safe.”
Next time uncertainty appears, the urge to overthink becomes even stronger.
Why Can’t I Just Stop Worrying?
Telling yourself “Stop thinking about it” often doesn’t work. In fact, trying very hard not to think about something can make us notice the thought even more. CBT therefore isn’t simply about replacing every negative thought with a positive one. Instead, we become curious about the patterns keeping anxiety going.
Am I repeatedly seeking reassurance?
Am I avoiding things because they make me anxious?
Am I constantly checking?
Am I spending hours trying to solve hypothetical problems that haven’t happened?
Ask Yourself: Is This a Problem I Can Solve Today?
One useful distinction is between a practical problem and a hypothetical worry.
A practical problem might be:“I have an appointment tomorrow and don’t know how to get there.” There are useful actions you can take.
A hypothetical worry might be: “What if I go to the appointment and something goes wrong?” There may be no amount of thinking that can provide the certainty you’re looking for.
A more helpful response is: “I don’t know exactly what will happen and I can deal with it when I know more.”
When Might CBT Help?
Worry becomes problematic when it begins taking up significant amounts of your day or affects sleep, relationships, work, education or the things you want to do. You might also notice that you’re increasingly avoiding situations, seeking reassurance or feeling unable to make decisions without analysing every possible outcome.
CBT can help you understand your worry cycle, identify what keeps it going and practise responding differently to uncertainty. The goal isn’t to never worry again. It’s to stop worry having such a big say in how you live your life.
I’m Claire Calvert, an accredited CBT therapist and counsellor based in Sunderland, working with young people and adults experiencing anxiety, excessive worry, OCD, social anxiety, low mood and difficulties with self-esteem.
I offer face-to-face CBT therapy in Sunderland alongside online appointments. If anxiety or overthinking is beginning to interfere with everyday life, you can get in touch to find out more about CBT and current availability.
