Mother’s Day can be a joyful occasion for many people. It is often associated with celebration, gratitude and family time. Yet for others, the day can bring a more complicated mix of emotions. If your relationship with your mother feels strained, distant or unresolved, or if the day brings feelings of grief, pressure or anxiety, you are not alone. In therapy, it is quite common for people to talk about the mixed emotions that can arise around family occasions like this.
Mother’s Day can sometimes highlight the complexity of family relationships. For some people, the relationship with their mother has never felt straightforward. Family dynamics can carry many years of experiences, expectations and patterns. When a day arrives that celebrates that relationship, it can bring a sense of discomfort if the reality does not match the image of closeness that is often portrayed around us. For others, the day may bring feelings of loss. This might be the loss of a mother, the loss of a child, or experiences such as infertility or pregnancy loss. The reminders of Mother’s Day in shops, advertising and social media can make that absence feel particularly present.
It can also be a complicated day for some mothers themselves. Many mothers speak about the pressure for the day to feel special or meaningful, while at the same time they may be feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or quietly unappreciated. When expectations about how the day should feel do not match the reality, it can leave people feeling disappointed or guilty for having those reactions. Often what makes these emotions more difficult is the sense that we are supposed to feel a certain way. Messages around Mother’s Day tend to focus on gratitude, closeness and celebration. When our own experiences do not fit that, it can lead to self-criticism or the feeling that something is wrong with us.
From a CBT perspective, it can sometimes help to notice the kinds of thoughts that arise around this time, particularly those that include words such as “should”, “must” or “ought to”. Thoughts like “I should feel grateful” or “I should make the day special” can place additional pressure on an already emotional situation. Our feelings do not always follow social expectations, and that is part of being human.
It can be helpful to pause and ask yourself what might feel manageable this year. For some, this might mean keeping the day simple. It could involve a short visit rather than spending the entire day together, or choosing a small gesture rather than feeling responsible for creating the “perfect” celebration. For others, it may be about acknowledging grief in a personal way. Some find comfort in looking through photographs, visiting a place that holds meaning, or simply allowing themselves some quiet time to remember someone who is no longer here. And for some, the most important thing may simply be taking care of themselves. That might mean going for a walk, spending time with friends, or stepping away from social media for a while if the constant reminders of the day feel overwhelming.
In therapy, people often come to recognise that family relationships can hold many emotions at once. Love, frustration, sadness, loyalty and disappointment can exist side by side. Mother’s Day can sometimes bring these feelings more clearly into focus. If the day feels difficult for you this year, it may help to approach yourself with the same kindness and understanding you might offer to someone else in a similar situation. You do not have to force the day to feel a certain way, and you do not have to pretend that everything is easy.
Sometimes the most helpful approach is simply to allow the day to be what it is, while taking care of your own emotional needs.
